Me and Rich are part of a writer's group, so we showed them the comic and video for "Cybernetic Supermarket".
The feedback was mostly positive but they said that in the video, the bit after Kath's breakdown and also the 'macho macho ' song goes on for too long. They said it could be condensed down.
They also said that the story was a bit disjointed (although I'm not sure there's much we can do about that). They expected the whole story to stay in the supermarket. Maybe another animated part at the end would bring the story together more.
I asked about whether it's too much if they turn into the bird and fish AND macho macho, but one guy said 'the weirder the better in this situation'.
In the comic, they said that the "Bhodivasta Rick Clarke" character should be fleshed out- and he talked about how some people like that are very insidious. I'm not sure I want Rick to be a sinister character though- maybe make his behaviour silly or surreal, but I'd want him, too, to be a victim of the new age brainwashing.
In the comic, the story could also be fleshed out towards the end. The part in the supermarket is more detailed, but towards the end it's just 'this happened' and then 'that happened'.
When it comes to putting on the stage show they said that Kath in the supermarket could work really well with a pre-recorded narration of her thoughts, but her lips don't move.
However, some parts would need to be spoken live. For example, Rick would have to speak in the Lake of Healing workshop. Not sure about the songs. To be honest I don't know if I COULD sing live, and certainly not sing well.
There's also a Grace Jones song that Rich did a cover of, 'Hunter Captured by the Prey', all minimal and haunting- it's quite a different tone to the rest of the show but maybe it could be nice.....
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